Irrefutable Lines of Argument

 

A brilliant analysis by this patriotic Pro-Anti-Mass-Murder believer:

Without God, there is no responsibility.

Women that abort babies and people that murder young children don’t have knowledge of God.

Because without God, there isn’t Life. To have Life, God is essential.

—

What a marvellous example of putting forward an utterly irrefutable line of argument!

So, stop whatever you are doing and Worship Me (and that includes killing everyone – that’s My job).

The Slippery Slope: Christianity To Eternal Damnation In 8 Easy Steps

Here we go again…Another non-believer giving his own account for not believing in the Almighty Me:

This is the slippery slope I keep warning you all about, but you just don’t listen!!

Of course the final step this TheraminTrees neglected to include in his transition to “Atheism” is Step 8. eternal damnation.

Evidence for Me at My finest, Dawkins

My beloved sheep, I’ve been rather busy of late and have neglected to astound you all with my infinite wisdom on this blog.

So why break My silence now? Well, as you know, I work in mysterious ways and My blogging is no different. But there is a disturbance in My awesome force, and that disturbance is caused by that pesky Richard Dawkins’ latest written blasphemy – “The Greatest Show On Earth – The Evidence For Evolution”.

He opens his new attack on Me by highlighting the following:

“In 2008, a Gallup poll showed that 44% of Americans believed I created you in your present form within the last 10,000 years. In a Pew Forum poll that same year, 42% believed that all life existed on earth has existed in its present form since the beginning of time”

Now, I didn’t need a poll to tell Me what I already know (I already know everything), but what it does show you is that there are over 50% of you miserable little brats that are slipping down the path to eternal damnation. That’s far too high a number. I want 100% of you to love me and everything I do, at all times. No exceptions. And what’s with the “10,000 years”? Is it so difficult for you to grasp that My Brilliance took just 7 days to achieve?? Wow.

The heathen Dawkins, once again, has the audacity to claim that not only did I not create you in 7 days (or even 10,000 years!) and – wait for it – has “evidence” to prove it (presuming “evidence” would change your faithful mind – be warned!!). And, worse, that you evolved from bacteria – “shit” in other words. This is Dawkins’ way of telling you that you lot are just overgrown and overdeveloped dumb shits! That’s a weak alternative to my eternal offering: I don’t just remind you of your worthlessness, I actually make you feel that way – every day!

What Dawkins fails to realize of course is that I also created all the “evidence” that he points to, and I mean everything:

– the ability of dog breeding and artificial selection
– the radioactive decay that allows carbon dating and radioactive clocks
– the fact that the processes of genetic mutations and evolution are taking place “before your very eyes”
– the exhaustive fossil record
– the gastrulation and neuruation processes during embryonic development
– the geographic distribution (allopatric) speciation
– plate tectonics
– the shared skeletal structures and the shared DNA across species
– the molecular clock
– and all My rather fine examples of “unintelligent design”

I did it all! That’s all Me at My finest, Dawkins.

Now the obvious question you might ask at this stage is the following: if I created all this “evidence” to disprove My Majestic Hand in your creation, then why did I do it? And as usual, I knew you were going to ask that question because I know everything.

I won’t go into each and every example of the “evidence” Dawkins lays out (although I have infinite time and capacity, I don’t have infinite patience – I designed Myself that way). However, I will comprehensively strike down upon three of these examples with great vengeance and furious anger:

1. Ability of dog breeding and artificial selection – easy. The isn’t an “ability”, it is a gift, from Me to you. I have allowed you to express your vanity by giving you the gift of dog breeding. And what do you do with this gift? You spend time and energy creating outrageous monstrosities such as Miniature Poodles and Chinese Crested. I give you an inch, and you a take a mile. You vain, vain creatures. Not like Me, who is Perfect and Completely Breathtaking.

2. The exhaustive fossil record – even easier. I purposely placed each and everyone of those fossils there Myself to test your faith. And you failed Me, again. <sigh>

3. Examples of “unintelligent design” – OK, so this one is probably the easiest to explain away. Let’s start with the premise that this “evidence” disproves Me by attempting the following line of un-faithful thinking (also known as “I.D – Incompetent Design” and the “Argument from poor design“):

1. An omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent creator God (Yours Truly) would create organisms that have optimal design.
2. Organisms have features that are suboptimal.
3. Therefore, God (again, that Awesomeness that is Moi) either did not create these organisms or is not omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent.

The blind spot in the human eye is such an example of U.D:  I created this ingenious imperfection to ensure that the day-to-day miracles I need to attend to can’t actually be observed by mortals at the time I’m doing them. It is entirely unacceptable that you lowly creatures would be able see My Glorious Hand popping into a room out of thin air, for example, and move your full and hot coffee cup by a couple of inches so that you knock it over and ruin the carpet as you reach for a sip. Mormons – I’m looking at you here.

Going back to the premise based on un-faithful thinking, here is the True and correct interpretation of what you observe to be “imperfections”. I have named this the “Argument from My Attention to Detail To Your Test of Faith”:

1. An omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent creator, Me, would create organisms that have optimal design.
2. Organisms have features that are apparently suboptimal, and these apparent imperfections are there for very good reasons but are not the reasons that evolutionists and heathens such Dawkins provide because the actual reasons for these are too numerous, and God (I) does not have the patience nor the motivation to explain these to you because these “imperfections” are there to test your faith in Me.
3. Therefore, I (known as God to you) DID both create these organisms and Am omnipotent, omniscient and omnibenevolent. And 100% Awesome.

There you have it. I created everything – especially all of you lot – in your present form and in 7 days, including all the so-called “evidence” to the contrary.

All ultimately, perfectly, deliberately and extremely intelligently designed by Me to test your fragile faith in Me. So far, you are failing. So stop all your irritating questioning and get praying, or else.

“What Would Convince You” Is The Wrong Question

The question posed: If a Miracle Came, Would it Convince You? is the wrong question.

Flippant answers, such as “Revive my favorite cat, you know, the ginger one that died a few years ago, and then make it draw a picture of heaven while whistling ‘Strangers in the Night'” might convince the most ardent of Heathens, but really this whole premise – the question asked and the answers given are completely missing the point.

The right question should be asked of a true Believer:

“is there anything: any fact, any words you could be told, any words you could read, any sounds you could hear, any sensations you could feel, any data you could access, any reason or evidence you could consider, any thing that could change your faith in Me?”

The answer for the true Believer is of course “no”. Nothing. Nada. Zippideedooda.

By definition, Faith is unshakable, unalterable, unquestioning and unreasonable and requires no falsifiable evidence in order to maintain Faith. That’s the beauty of it: Faith can’t be beat! Why else do you think I Created it?

Letting Go of God

I’ve warned you of the slippery slope before. You know, the slope where you start asking impertinent questions such as “Do I need to believe in God in order to be a good person?”, or…”Is there really a Hell or is Hell a fictional threatening concept designed by humans to keep other humans from not believing in God?”. You know where asking questions like these will lead you…

This miserable sinner and atheist, Julia Sweeney, is a first class example of why you should never doubt me:

And whatever happens, DO NOT order her blasphemous CD or watch any video clips or audio clips from her “Letting Go of God” show to find out how she lost her religion and faith in Me.

Patriotism is Dependent Upon Being Rightly Religious

That’s right my fanatical flock, “patriotism is dependent upon religion”. But it has to be the Right Religion, or it doesn’t count.

Let Me just lay out in simple terms why this is self-evidently true:

If you are religious, you can be Rightly Religious or Wrongly Religious:

• Rightly Religious = you are an American who believes in the God as per the Bible – it is the Word and the Truth and it is Right, always, no questions. You automatically love America and therefore have a very good chance of chilling out for eternity at my Heavenly pad when you’re done on Earth (if you’re good i.e. pray regularly and fear Me)
• Wrongly Religious = you are an American who believes in God, but not the Right God as per the Bible, and therefore you automatically hate America and have a 100% chance in ending up in Satan’s miserable den for being so wrong.

And then there are the Irreligious.

• Irreligious (or atheists, or non-theist) = a Heathen or an America hater, who in both My eyes are one and the same. This is self evidently true because if you are an unbeliever you must therefore hate America.

So to summarize, less than 4% of the world’s current population* are the only ones going to My eternal chill out Zone when their time is done on Earth.

* calculated as follows: world population (6.4 billion) – Rightly Religious Americans (around 227 million). Everyone else misses out unless they get a US citizenship and believe in what I clearly explained in the Bible.

Visions of Apocalypse Now

Miriam, the self-declared profit well known prophet has spoken the truth.

“A couple of nights ago I had a vision.”

Oh, I love a good start…

“I heard the song lyrics from the beautiful song ‘We have all the time in the world…’ by Louis Armstrong and I saw the gorgeous Earth spinning around in Space surrounded by twinking stars, with a relative feeling of peace and contentment and we’ll be here for a long time yet among its inhabitants. Then I heard another voice say: ‘There’s not enough love in the world’.

Yes – that was Me butting in again, sorry about that. And so Miriam continues…

“And then I saw the globe pictured like a spinning top and it stopped spinning and like a spinning top does when it stops, it fell over onto its side.”

Oh, and what could this hallucination vision possibly mean, Miriam?

“I understand this clearly to mean that the end of the world is coming and is not far off. “

Of course it does – the end is nigh! You have all been warned!!

Dawkins’ argument against the existence of Me

Yes, I’ve been busy, so busy in fact that I’ve not had time to “god blog” (and for those of you thinking “hey, I thought You had infinite capacity!”, my answer to you is “I do infinite capacity, I’m just making up an excuse – I do that sometimes”).

Now, on to the latest doomed attempt by the non-believers to logic Me out of existence. Barney87 posted the argument popularized by that pesky Richard “Prove it to me” Dawkins:

1) Complex entities can come into existence in three ways: either by design, evolution or chance.

2) God is a complex entity.

3) God cannot have been designed.

4) God cannot have evolved.

5) Therefore, God must have come into existence by chance.

6) The probability of a being spontaneously coming into existence with the remarkable properties of God (omnipotence, omniscience and omnibenevolence) is extremely slight.

7) Therefore, God’s existence is extremely improbable.

Improbable, Mr R Dawkins, but not impossible. That’s no winning argument – in fact it’s a blatant admission that I might exist. And I blog too, but just because it is seems highly improbable that I blog, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, yet here you are reading this post, written effortlessly (and without spellchecker turned on) by the Creator Myself.

So since Mr Dawkins is practically admitting I exist (I accept his apology), let’s state here a more graceful and infallible argument that proves My wonderful existence, quoted from the blaspheming John Allen Paulos’ new book “Irreligion“:

1. Something – the diversity of lifeforms, the beauty of the outdoors, the stars, the fine structure constants – is much to complex (or too perfect) to have come about randomly or by sheer accident.
2. This something must have been the handiwork of some creator (yours truly).
3. Therefore God (er, Me), exists.

It doesn’t get much simpler or obviously correct than this. Matter settled…next!

Atheists…in Churches???

We need more folks like “Jerry” who has taken issue with a so-called “Friendly Atheist” who had the sheer audacity to accept an invitation by Pastor Randy Frazee to speak at the Willow Creek Community Church about his…wait for it…his non-beliefs!

Jerry rants:

“Well, isn’t that nice! Instead of gathering a group of seekers and telling them about the Gospel, they gathered some seekers and told them about atheism.

Yes, he actually TOLD seekers about atheism!!! Jerry rants on…

“The reply comments at this blog are quite telling.”

Oh indeed they are…comments like this –

“I thought you were very articulate, and I greatly appreciated your courage to go to a church and share your beliefs with everyone.”

Or this:

“I was there last night and really appreciated your prespective on church and Christians. We learned a lot.”

We learned a lot??? How dare they, eh, Jerry! What is the world coming to?

And what about this?

“I think if people didn’t have doubts and struggle with their faith they would have to be brain dead”

Offense!

But the really caustic comment, the one that Jerry is so righteously concerned about, is this comment left by a lady called “Lee”:

“Funny, the challenge statement Randy made about knowing what you believe and why you believe it is the same one that led me down the path to atheism. The preacher at the church I attended at that time had made the same challenge to the congegation in our church and I took him up on it… and here I am today… an atheist. “

This is what Jerry is warning you about! Back to Jerry’s post, where he assures us he gets the point :

“Listen, I get the point, but isn’t this just a little (or a lot) absurd? Is it necessary to hear from an atheist what he does and doesn’t like about church and Christians? Are we then supposed to change to please him and other atheists in the (vain) hope that they might suddenly, because we are more friendly, have better window dressings, or less emphasis on actually believing in something, start worshiping God? Am I the only one who sees something seriously wrong with this? Isn’t this just ‘atheism evangelism’?”

I mean, really??!! The very notion of hearing someone’s point of view that may be different to your own and to discuss ideas and perspectives that differ to yours are nothing short of contemptible. In a House of God, no less???? Keep fighting the Good Fight, Jerry!!

Blame God (er, Me), Not Global Warming

Blame God (er, Me), Not Global Warming. That’s what Harry (a) Gaylord says, and he is of course 100% correct.

“If you’ve been paying attention to the weather news lately, there has been severe flooding in many parts of the world, including here in the U.S. In some areas, rainfall records are being broken. From Texas to the UK, Sudan, Nepal, and China, these floods are destroying property, infrastructure, and lives. “

Well, you might have heard this news if you’ve just been paying attention to “the news”, not just the weather news, but whatever…get to the point…

“So why are all of these crazy weather patterns taking place? Could it be because of the much-publicized global warming? Is the flooding because of people cutting down too many trees and creating too many roads for the expansion of civilization? Or is it that all of this is God’s way of sending a message to us?”

Aha…now we’re getting to the Truth of the matter!

“Personally, I’m not one who holds to the global warming doctrine.”

That’s right, because global warming is a doctrine.

The Gaylord goes on…

“People can be as hysterical as they want to try to get everyone believing that we’re destroying the Earth with too much carbon dioxide or whatever, but the Bible clearly says in Revelation that God himself will be responsible for Earth’s destruction after the Antichrist’s rise to power.

…I can understand that in some instances people may lay too much concrete and not plant enough trees to absorb the water, thereby opening themselves up to the possibility of destruction.”

You can? What’s wrong with you. You’re on thin ice, I tell thee…

“However, I think the idea that God is punishing people for their sins may not be out of line.”

Ah, that’s more like it…go on…

“With all the atrocities China has committed in recent years selling their unsafe products, forcing abortions on women, and persecuting Christians, it’s no surprise that they are the hardest hit of all the areas that have flooded. “

That’s right! The Heathens are to blame, for they are the Misbehaved, the Non-Believers, actively seeking to destroy Christianity. Therefore they are the ones who deserve a good old fashioned flooding, destroying their miserable sinning lives!

And China is just but one example. But, Gaylord* is not a mindless idiot. He’s a thinker! Look –

“I haven’t quite figured out why Great Britain or Texas are suffering, so I’ll have to keep investigating to find out, I guess. The sad part about these judgments is that I don’t think these people will learn anything from their punishments.”

Gaylord, think no more! I can tell you precisely why I’ve been wrecking places like the UK, Texas and Katrina – and it’s got nothing to do with so-called “weather” (pfff), it’s because the residents have not been praying enough! The UK is a largely secular state and doomed to Hell. Texans are known for enjoying their BBQs more than abstinence and Katrina, well Katrina residents couldn’t afford those really fancy churches I love, so that’s their punishment.

Now stop blogging, and start praying!

–

* Frankly, your surname is verging on the blasphemous – Harry…consider a surname change or you might very find your own kitchen under a rather large volume of nasty toxic sewage water I’ve been saving for the Nepalese. As you know, I work in mysterious ways…