“What Would Convince You” Is The Wrong Question

February 12, 2008

The question posed: If a Miracle Came, Would it Convince You? is the wrong question.

Flippant answers, such as “Revive my favorite cat, you know, the ginger one that died a few years ago, and then make it draw a picture of heaven while whistling ‘Strangers in the Night'” might convince the most ardent of Heathens, but really this whole premise – the question asked and the answers given are completely missing the point.

The right question should be asked of a true Believer:

“is there anything: any fact, any words you could be told, any words you could read, any sounds you could hear, any sensations you could feel, any data you could access, any reason or evidence you could consider, any thing that could change your faith in Me?”

The answer for the true Believer is of course “no”. Nothing. Nada. Zippideedooda.

By definition, Faith is unshakable, unalterable, unquestioning and unreasonable and requires no falsifiable evidence in order to maintain Faith. That’s the beauty of it: Faith can’t be beat! Why else do you think I Created it?


Letting Go of God

February 12, 2008

I’ve warned you of the slippery slope before. You know, the slope where you start asking impertinent questions such as “Do I need to believe in God in order to be a good person?”, or…”Is there really a Hell or is Hell a fictional threatening concept designed by humans to keep other humans from not believing in God?”. You know where asking questions like these will lead you…

This miserable sinner and atheist, Julia Sweeney, is a first class example of why you should never doubt me:

And whatever happens, DO NOT order her blasphemous CD or watch any video clips or audio clips from her “Letting Go of God” show to find out how she lost her religion and faith in Me.

Patriotism is Dependent Upon Being Rightly Religious

February 11, 2008

That’s right my fanatical flock, “patriotism is dependent upon religion”. But it has to be the Right Religion, or it doesn’t count.

Let Me just lay out in simple terms why this is self-evidently true:

If you are religious, you can be Rightly Religious or Wrongly Religious:

  • Rightly Religious = you are an American who believes in the God as per the Bible – it is the Word and the Truth and it is Right, always, no questions. You automatically love America and therefore have a very good chance of chilling out for eternity at my Heavenly pad when you’re done on Earth (if you’re good i.e. pray regularly and fear Me)
  • Wrongly Religious = you are an American who believes in God, but not the Right God as per the Bible, and therefore you automatically hate America and have a 100% chance in ending up in Satan’s miserable den for being so wrong.

And then there are the Irreligious.

So to summarize, less than 4% of the world’s current population* are the only ones going to My eternal chill out Zone when their time is done on Earth.

* calculated as follows: world population (6.4 billion) – Rightly Religious Americans (around 227 million). Everyone else misses out unless they get a US citizenship and believe in what I clearly explained in the Bible.

Visions of Apocalypse Now

February 9, 2008

Miriam, the self-declared profit well known prophet has spoken the truth.

“A couple of nights ago I had a vision.”

Oh, I love a good start…

“I heard the song lyrics from the beautiful song ‘We have all the time in the world…’ by Louis Armstrong and I saw the gorgeous Earth spinning around in Space surrounded by twinking stars, with a relative feeling of peace and contentment and we’ll be here for a long time yet among its inhabitants. Then I heard another voice say: ‘There’s not enough love in the world’.

Yes – that was Me butting in again, sorry about that. And so Miriam continues…

“And then I saw the globe pictured like a spinning top and it stopped spinning and like a spinning top does when it stops, it fell over onto its side.”

Oh, and what could this hallucination vision possibly mean, Miriam?

“I understand this clearly to mean that the end of the world is coming and is not far off. “

Of course it does – the end is nigh! You have all been warned!!

Dawkins’ argument against the existence of Me

February 8, 2008

Yes, I’ve been busy, so busy in fact that I’ve not had time to “god blog” (and for those of you thinking “hey, I thought You had infinite capacity!”, my answer to you is “I do infinite capacity, I’m just making up an excuse – I do that sometimes”).

Now, on to the latest doomed attempt by the non-believers to logic Me out of existence. Barney87 posted the argument popularized by that pesky Richard “Prove it to me” Dawkins:

1) Complex entities can come into existence in three ways: either by design, evolution or chance.

2) God is a complex entity.

3) God cannot have been designed.

4) God cannot have evolved.

5) Therefore, God must have come into existence by chance.

6) The probability of a being spontaneously coming into existence with the remarkable properties of God (omnipotence, omniscience and omnibenevolence) is extremely slight.

7) Therefore, God’s existence is extremely improbable.

Improbable, Mr R Dawkins, but not impossible. That’s no winning argument – in fact it’s a blatant admission that I might exist. And I blog too, but just because it is seems highly improbable that I blog, doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, yet here you are reading this post, written effortlessly (and without spellchecker turned on) by the Creator Myself.

So since Mr Dawkins is practically admitting I exist (I accept his apology), let’s state here a more graceful and infallible argument that proves My wonderful existence, quoted from the blaspheming John Allen Paulos’ new book “Irreligion“:

  1. Something – the diversity of lifeforms, the beauty of the outdoors, the stars, the fine structure constants – is much to complex (or too perfect) to have come about randomly or by sheer accident.
  2. This something must have been the handiwork of some creator (yours truly).
  3. Therefore God (er, Me), exists.

It doesn’t get much simpler or obviously correct than this. Matter settled…next!